At The Beginning… Again…

So here we are, at the beginning of yet another year… some of us happily usher in it’s arrival, some of us see it as merely the passing of an old n the arrival of a new, while some just don’t bother, “I don’t celebrate New Year,” or so they say…

To whichever group u may belong or wish to belong to, I send my deepest sympathy, for u surely must be darn bored to even consider reading this or maybe u just had the misfortune of coming across this blog of mine… or maybe we all don’t have a life *sigh* ah well, Happy New Year 2006 none the less…

People ask me about New Year’s Resolution… I ask, why have one? How many of us can proudly (or honestly for that matter) claim that we’ve fulfilled our pledges of years past? Why bother having one if ur not sure of being able to carry it out? It’s like bringing upon urself an unwanted task or responsibility when u’ve already got so much crap to handle…

A lot of u might already start questioning me n my motives, maybe some of u are already cursing me coz I sure can’t stop coughing at the moment… but hey, I don’t give 2 cents about that, this is my page so thing’s will be done my way…

But at the end of the day, I feel that the whole point about resolutions, be it new or renewed, is not about getting it done… I feel that by having resolutions, it fulfils one of our most simple and yet most complex need as a human being, *drumroll* A sense of purpose and also hope as well as a second (or maybe third) chance… damn, that’s three, I can’t even count properly *sigh*

I feel that resolutions give u a kind of guideline, a parameter as to what ur going to do… it gives u a reason to wake up each n everyday, to make sure that that promise is kept… it takes away that sense of aimlessness that can really hurt a person (especially when u have no life, like me)… and at the end of the day, if u can’t keep that promise, u start anew, promising urself that u’ll do better this time n hopefully get it done…

Maybe having a resolution ain’t as pointless as I thought of it to be… *hmm*

My wish for all of u is that this year brings with it great things into ur lives, that it empowers u, making each n every one of u better in whatever way u want to be better, bad things r sure to come, but as difficult as they may be, I wish all of u the ability to get through, n look beyond it, grow n learn from it… n at the end of it all, all of us would be able to say, “Yeah, it did suck at times. but it was a great year indeed.”

*sigh*

Out With The Old...

Wishing all of you guys a HAPPY NEW YEAR!
May the year 2006 bring even better things into ur lives,
have some thoughts on my mind, will write soon...

Falling…

Love is something a lot of us talk n think about, it is also something that a LOT of us claim to be experts on, but personally, I feel that the luckiest of us will only ever get to experience n understand parts of it, never the whole, complete package…

Love is simple but yet at the same time complicated,
Love gives but yet at the same time takes away,
Love confuses but yet at the same time understands,
Love builds but yet at the same time destroys,
Love heals but yet at the same time wounds,
Love liberates the senses but yet at the same time it numbs,
Love of all things is indeed something I can never hope to truly understand.

A lot believe in love, equally, a lot of others don’t or at least they claim to not believe… but to those who do, definitely they too believe in falling in love, but how about falling out of love?

Personally, the idea of falling out of love never occurred to me, I always thought that people can only fall in love, that it wasn’t love in the first place if things don’t work out… but then, how do u explain the kind of things people do out of what is supposedly heartache? How do u explain a person smiling at a loved one’s happiness even at the expense of his own? What kind of force moves people to do these kinds of things?

I guess that it is only fair that if u believe in falling in, u should be open to the idea of falling out, I don’t know, I’ve never fallen out of love, MAYBE because I’ve never fallen in, maybe to those of u reading, u might think differently…

My wish for today is for all of you to be able to experience this miracle called falling in love, stay in it n never have to go through falling out of it… but I guess it might already be too late for some, n to those, I wish they be granted strength to move on, to fall in once again n hopefully to not have to fall out, ever again…

*sigh* in the words of Britney, I’m not gay, not yet a metro…

Answers…

A lot of questions cross our minds, each n every passing second… n I’m sure a lot of them remain unanswered, so we move on, hopeful of finding the answers as we go on but yet instead of answers, what we get is more questions, ones even more confusing n frustrating as the last… well, hey, here comes another… Are we ever going to get an answer?

Personally, I feel that we won’t, at least not in this lifetime… or unless the Almighty one decides to put us out of our misery… that’s the realist in me speaking…

But the more intellectual n spiritual part of me *ehem* feels that maybe most of the answers we look for are already around us… God doesn’t give them out just like that because He knows for a fact that we bloody humans see everything in a plethora of ways… you n I see even the simplest of things in the most complicatedly different of ways, maybe if we’re lucky, we might agree on stuff, but the fact remains that fundamentally, we view the world in our own unique way… so it is only fair that the answers should be different, depending on how we see what we see…

I have yet another question… if we see things differently, n that the answers that come r different n unique to each individual, how can we be sure that it is indeed the answer? *sigh* I think too much I guess, especially useless stuff such as these… but why do I this? Heck, see what I mean? Yet another question which I may have to wait another decade or so for an answer… ah well…

My wish is for all of u to be able to find answers to what troubles n plague u the most, hopefully sooner rather than later… but hey, if u can’t seem to find it, I wish u the patience to keep on searching, n that along the way, u find other stuff as well, stuff that make life worthwhile, things worth smiling for, things worth fighting for, n maybe if ur lucky, things so precious, they’re worth dying for…

One thing’s for sure, I’ve found a lot of things worth dying for… thank god…

*munch pizza* yumm….

That Thing You Do…

I’ve noticed that we Malaysians do a lot of funny things… funny as in weird, n in some cases downright annoying…

We insist on getting onto the train as soon as the doors open, maybe we should think of letting the people inside get out first…

We spend thousands upon thousands of ringgit buying cars, n yet, most don’t seem to bother using the signal lights when changing lanes or making a turn, after all, I thought they were standard spec on all cars, could it be that I thought wrong?

(This is a nagging question I’ve had n it goes out to certain Government institutions as well as certain public Uni’s) Why do we have to reschedule our holidays at the last minute n cause so many unnecessary problems to so many people?

Why do girls keep saying that good men are a dying breed and it’s hard to find a
good man these days? I know plenty of great guys but they seem to be the ones unable to find a good girl… go figure…(no offense ladies, I love all of u regardless)

A lot of people say that boybands suck, they can’t sing and yet their albums are the ones that really sell, if u don’t believe me, check it out on the net, the best selling albums are all from these supposedly talentless boybands, n the best part is, a lot even know the words to the songs, *hmm*…

At the moment these are the ones that come to mind… I’ll add more later… feel free to suggest more… I need all the help I can get…

My wish: May all of you be granted the patience n strength to deal with people n things annoying… or even better, u get a chance to smack the person in the face n get away scot free… *yippee!*

Now where’s that chocolate bar?

*sigh*

Old Friends… And New…

Just got back from KL… returned from what is hopefully my final debate competition… don’t get me wrong, I love debating… but I guess when you’ve been around too long, you just feel saturated…

Anyway, it was good being able to meet up with some old friends… finally had a proper conversation with Irma after what feels like an ETERNITY… got to meet up with Fareez, Raihan, Ayuni and the old dogs of debating although we didn’t really get enough time to gang up on Pala… but still feels good to see the old familiar faces you’ve grown accustomed to…

I miss the old days… I don’t know why but lately I really miss the old times I had back in school… of course life has been good to me post-SPM but the best times were back when I was in school…

I spent an extra week after the Royals to hang out with my old brothers-in-arm, Ian n Pajil, n of course to catch up with my brother Jaffri, who seems to be doing pretty well… I’m just glad to hear that at least Ian n Pajil are having good progress with their so called love lives… but I have to admit at times like these it really SUCKS being single…

But that whole week really opened my eyes to one fact… a fact we can’t refute or deny… the fact that… as much as u cherish, n as much as u try to hold on… u’ve got to learn to let go… I’ve learnt that, as much as u want things to never change, eventually they will… maybe not by choice, but circumstances will force not just us but also the people n things around us to change…

My wish for all of u who bothered reading, n to all those fortunate enough not to come across this silly excuse for a blog of mine:
May all of us be granted the strength to face n handle all these changes, may all of us manage to cope, n may all of us be able to find a reason to smile before we go to sleep each n every night…

Back to the kitchen I guess….

Cruising…

My current favourite songs are two songs by James Blunt, Goodbye My Lover n You’re Beautiful… whatever any of u have to say about my choice of music, by all means share it with me… I’m open to anything… I need some entertainment…

Have u ever been up at 3 in the morning, finding urself driving alone in a borrowed car listening to a guy pouring his heart out, yapping (is there such a word?) about lost love n obsessing about a pretty face he saw on the subway? I have… yeah, it’s official… I have no life… but hey… I’m pretty sure there were others on the road too… but I noticed, all of them guys… the girls were all in groups… *hmm* sad lives we Malaysian men live huh… go figure… I’ll save this for another entry…

I’m sorry if this entry seems pointless, but when have I ever needed a reason to talk crap, especially here on this blog?

My wish: May all of u who drive alone at 3 a.m. (regardless of whether u have a life or barely have one, but hey, u’re cruising ALONE at 3 a.m, that pretty much sums things up doesn’t it?) never have the misfortune of a punctured tire or an engine breakdown, may u get to ur destination safe n sound…

Now if I can only find the house keys… *damn*

The Dark One Returns...

When I first started blogging, it was because I had nothing to do... I had free time, A WHOLE LOT of it... but it has been more than 6 months since my last post... so what happened in between? Well, the honest truth is... NOTHING... sheesh... I thought writer's block was just an excuse made up by writer's as an excuse for their inability to come up with good stuff to write... but it's not like having it makes me any more of a writer than I already not am... *sigh*

But hey, I'm back now... *old school suspense music*

Like that would make any difference... anyway, I've got a few things I'd like to share, but I guess you'll have to wait a little while longer... *evil laugh*

*Austin Powers theme*

Just A Thought…*galactic empire theme*

the vicious cycle continues… what’s more frightening is… I’m starting to grow content with it… am I destined to live no life for the rest of my days? *gasp* Hmm… more on that later…

have u ever thought about how some things r just separated by a fine line?… n in some cases, this line is just a blur… n it’s extremely difficult to discern one from the other...
in this case… I’m talking about confidence n arrogance…

back in the days when I had a less ‘wholesome’ figure (high school) *sigh*… I’d already reach a level of confidence a lot of people say borders on arrogance… I’d look down on people for the way they look or the grades they get… to a certain extent I feel God’s making me pay for it now… hence explaining my current predicament, stuck in a boring n uneventful phase of my life… anyway… thankfully, I’ve learnt that there is so much to learn n understand that u can never claim to know everything… coz life always has a way of making us eat our words…

but at the same time, being knowledgeable… we’re entrusted to teach others… in Islam it is said that we should share our knowledge with those who don’t yet know… n that by sharing, ur own knowledge would grow… but this is where my predicament lies… have u ever been in a situation where u try to share ur knowledge with others but instead of being thanked, u’re branded an arrogant show off?

N then there’s the group of people who think they know it all… it’s surprising really when I meet people who are indeed very learned but seem to believe that whatever knowledge they have is super n are somehow oblivious to the fact that there’s still so much they’re yet to learn n understand… I thought being learned was supposed to mean being enlightened to the fact that knowledge is so vast we’ll never know everything… yet, when they talk, it’s as if they were the ones who created the planets n the stars, n so we choose to ignore or disagree, n they brand us as arrogant…

I’ve been in both situations n I’m sure a lot of u have too… it totally SUCKS rite? How do we deal with this? Nowadays, I always remind myself to always be humble… but hey, who knows, at times I can be arrogant as well… so, here goes…

To all my friends, n to all of u reading, I’ve one request… if ever at any point in life u find me going beyond confident n become arrogant, give me a slap n remind me to back down… I promise I’ll do the same for u *evil laugh*… n about those who don’t want to listen to reason, well…
Life lesson : No matter how much u care, some people r just jackasses… let them be… when (if) they come to sense, enjoy the self-satisfaction of knowing u were right all along n laugh out loud… very loud…

Back to sulking now… where r those choc chip cookies? *grouching*

Playing It Safe…

a good friend once came to me and said… "the relationship’s going nowhere, the guy treats u like crap, u don’t feel appreciated, he always drops u for other stuff… why do some people keep holding on? Why is it so hard to get out of the relationship?"...
Initially, being the cocky person I am… my first reaction was… “well, it’s because people are actually dumb, n they choose to live in this self-created n self-imposed reality where they hope that one day things might change for the better”…*darth vader song*
But anyway… seriously… why? I think…it’s because we all have this thing called a sense of comfort being in a relationship… regardless of how good or bad it is… I mean, it’s not easy to just drop something u’ve hold onto for a while (in some cases even years *ahem*) n step up to someone n start anew… of course when I say this it applies to serious relationships… or people who’ve been waiting to be in a relationship… so this rules out all the flirting n games guys n girls play…
When I say comfort… it’s not about feeling happy…it’s more about content… u’re just okay with it… hey, I’m not saying that waiting for the person to change n start appreciating u is totally bullshit… but I guess after hearing a lot of stories n being shot down a few times myself… I guess we’ve got to start thinking about ourselves in a new light…. we can wait… but sometimes it’ll take too long and by the time they realize it, boobs would have started sagging (applicable to girls n a few guys) and supposed muscle would have turned to fat (applicable arguably to almost all guys, provided they had the body in the first place)… We’ve got to give ourselves more credit… come on people… we are worth something… n we deserve to at least get into a relationship that’s fulfilling… of course there are people who don’t but we’ll save that for another time okay…
My wish for today, that all of u realize that u’re all worthwhile… and that u have the strength to walk away n start fresh after crashing n burning…

Life lesson (which someone learnt n told me): You can’t make someone love you, you can just keep stalking them and hope they give in… well… it could work… you never know… we humans are of course… 'unpredictable'...

Back to reality now… *Austyn Power’s theme song*

About Love…

‘all is fair in love and war’… or so the saying goes… but honestly, do u believe that? I don’t… not ever since about a week ago…
another thing I no longer believe in when it comes to love is that it pays to be persistent…
the fact is… you can’t, I repeat, you CAN’T, make someone fall in love with you… no matter how much you say you love the person, no matter how many gifts you buy, no matter how much space you give, no matter how long you wait, no matter what you do… the fact is… YOU CANNOT MAKE A PERSON LOVE YOU…
hey, some of you might already be disagreeing but well… unfortunately for you, this is MY page, n the only opinions that matter are MINE *evil laugh*…
but hey, hear me out… if persistence works and that love is fair… why is it that so many of our friends end up not being with the person they’ve lost their hearts to… why is it that after all the wait, all the effort… all they get is to watch the guy or girl end up in the arms of another… what’s worse is, in some cases, the guy/girl falls for another who didn’t even have to do a thing to win their attention…
that kind of feeling sucks… n I’m sure a lot of u have been there… for those who have… I understand how u feel… for those who haven’t… I wish u never have to arrive there…
I thought about this after a conversation I had with my Dinda, Pajil n Carl… don't u just love hanging out with friends?...
Personally… I now believe that in order for any of our efforts of winning the hearts of a guy/girl to work… the first n most important thing is… there has got to be ATTRACTION… from attraction, comes FEELINGS… once u have this… u can screw up big time n still get the guy/girl…
*sigh* no wonder the girls always say, “sorry la, I appreciate everything u’ve done, u’re sweet n nice n all, but I just don’t have any feelings for u…” *dang* what they really mean must be, "u're just not attractive enough for me!"... well.. at least we should give them credit for being polite...
hmm… I guess my wish for today is for all of u reading this to be able to get together with the ones u love n long for… in case that doesn’t come true, I pray the heartache stops soon n that u find someone new who appreciates u for who u r…

Life lesson : I’ve learnt that the people you care most about in life are taken away from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. The real pains in the arse are permanent…

I shall go back to my so called life now….

What's In A Name?

no... I'm not flying planes yet... *dang*... anyway... here goes...

Part 1 :
I've wanted to become a lot of things... I wanted to become a pirate, but that meant months at sea without girls... I wanted to be a soldier, but I guess I'd end up arguing with the drill sergeant n get kicked out... I wanted to be a heart surgeon, but then I realised I'm not the studious type... I wanted to be a whole lot of things, from world dictator, pimp, Imam Masjid Negara, PM to the cool teacher who all the girls in school have a crush on... but despite all that... my one n true passion... my dream... has always been to become a pilot n fly an airplane...

Part 2 :
I used to be quite slim back in school... in fact, I was a school athlete... I could eat so much n yet still not gain weight... those days r now gone! *darth vader theme song* I guess after all those days spent running, the fat has finally caught up n I can't seem to lose 'em... *damn* I miss the days when I could proudly wear a size 32 without care... I can't do that today... not anymore... any smaller than 34 n the zipper would burst open n rain metal onto anyone unfortunate enough to be in its way... *sigh* no worries... I'm working on it but I think it's gonna take quite some time...

well... this much u already know, I've always wanted to be a pilot... n 'fortunately' for me... I've had the 'pleasure' of being friends with two very 'well meaning' n 'supportive' individuals, Pala the Black Ranger n Ali the Crimson Chin who r always around voicing out words of 'encouragement'... spurring me on to fulfill my dreams... it so happens that one day... they came across a video tape entitled 'Pity the Pilot Whale'... in what we all believe to be one of his few (n I really mean, FEW) moments of genius, Pala quickly connected the video to me... n so began the days where I would be known as the Pilot Whale...

That's how I got the name Pilot Whale... far from flattering but I have to admit I kinda like it... oh my god... I've got to get a life...

Small Gestures Go A LONG, Long Way...

It's a normal day...
I wake up, start the day off with curses coz I had to abruptly stop dreaming about that sizzling, hot chick... made my way to the bath, freshen myself up n descended the stairs... forced a smile to greet my sisters... "Good Morning!'... no one answers... approach dining table... pick up whatever food lying there in wait (*gheez* no wonder I keep growing)... pick up the car keys n shout "OI, Tiqah, Aiysha, cepat la! korang yang nak gi sekolah ni!"...neighbours stare... I take no notice of them n coolly back the car out thru the gates... a car zooms by... if not for my 'superb' driving skills, I would have hit it... "p)@#^%^k, ni kawasan perumahan la!"... n so begins my morning lecture on how people should drive... my audience? my two lovely sisters... so we move on...
everything seems to be running fine... I reach a junction... n then this Hilux just swerves in without giving any signal...yeaps, u guessed it, 'F' word galore.... drop off Aiysha... one down, one more left to go... so I drive along the 'highway'... this red, bust up Wira right in front, moving slow... shouldn't be a problem right? WRONG...he was on the fast lane... so I honk... nothing happens... I honk again... still, ndak da respond... so I race forward n cut in front of it... *hahahaha*... n so my lecture on proper driving starts once more with Atiqah trying her best to comprehend... drop her off... now all I have to do is drive back home...
What's the whole point of this? hey... like I said... currently I don't have much of a life... n I never promised that anything I put here would make sense... *sheesh*... anyway... really... what I mean to say here is... in everyday life... so many things annoy us... heck... it drives us up the wall... n we end up saying or doing stuff that we normally would not do... n if u really look at it... they're all just little, minute things... but hey... they may be small... but all things big n huge began as something small... annoyance can turn to frustration, frustration to rage, rage to whatever comes after that... things can get ugly mates...
So... my wish for today is... I wish all u guys be granted patience n tolerance... the ability to find humour n look at the lighter side of all these things... n instead of pissing u off, it gives u reason to smile or even better, laugh... don't take life TOO seriously, u might not make it out alive...

Life lesson : Remember to not sweat the petty things, n to not pet the sweaty things... now that's another story altogether...

*sigh* I shall go back to my boring life now....

I Really Need To Loose Weight...

well hello again... ur larger than life friend is back... 3 n a half minutes after his last blog!... *sigh* please bear with me as I pull myself through this boring phase of my life...
hmm... I guess I really need to get this out of my system... WAITING SUCKS!... *pheuh* thanks...
what's wrong with Mas u ask... well... I've always heard people saying "penantian itu satu penyeksaan".... I never fully understood what it meant... until about a few years back... forgot about it n now I'm living through it.... I view myself as a patient person... a very patient person... or maybe I would just like to believe that I am... I've waited for a lot of things in life... first love, first kiss, first this first that.... n then there's also all the other stuff I want or want to do... it frustrates me each time when I think I'm finally getting it I end up not being able to get or do it for various reasons... *hurray* I've got another wish for today...
I wish that all of u reading this to not have to go through what I'm going through.... wait... that's too good to hope for.... okay... I wish that whatever or whoever u guys r waiting for comes ur way... n that ur wait won't be too painful or frustrating to bear... now that sounds better.... oh yes... I think since I've wished for that I might as well wish all of u patience n perseverence to make it all the way... amin...
hahaha... I'm done... for now... tune in again in the next 5 minutes... who knows I might get so bored I'd post another... heck... I might try n go for the world record of most blog postings in a day... *yawn*....

After All This Time...

I've finally managed to sit down and post an entry... been contemplating on what to share and what not to share with u guys... well... life has been pretty much the same for the past month... wake up, send sis's to school, get back, wash clothes, tidy up the house... damn, I have no life... at least not at the moment...
I was watching The Amazing Race the other day... was really pissed when Meredith n Gretchen got eliminated... since I didn't have much to do but sit down n ponder about my boring life... I thought, "y do Meredith n Gretchen appeal so much to me?"... n then i figured... maybe coz they're a lot more mature *cough* compared to the other couples but they made it into the top 4 before getting eliminated... but then again... that can't be all... then I remembered observing that as each n every other couple bitch n bicker with each other trying to complete the road blocks n detours, Meredith n Gretchen just stuck by each other, n supported each other all the way... of course they argue too but I admire the tolerance n thoughtfulness they show each other, regardless of how annoyed they were at one another... I guess it comes naturally when u've been together for as long as they have... I must sound really gay saying this but I admire n envy that enduring love they have for each other... yeah they're old but most couples of today can't even hope to come close to the way they love n endure each other...
hmm... I've decided what I want for today... I wish that all you guys reading this blog a happy life... n that u all find a love as strong, enduring n as passionate... s!@t... I sound so gay....